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A Word To Parents
"For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them." -I Samuel 3:13
This word of the Lord was given to Eli the priest, who was an unfaithful father. Eli honored his sons above God (I Samuel 2:29) because he allowed them to openly sin - without taking any effective actions to correct them. We are commanded in the Bible to diligently discipline our children if we really love them. (Proverbs 13:24) To allow them to sin and walk in rebellion goes directly against everything the Bible teaches. Yet why is it so many Christian parents have such a hard time obeying God when it comes to this?
I think part of the problem is that parents tend to look at their children's sin - instead of their own. They throw up their hands in exasperation and say, "Well, if he wants to live that way, it's his choice." This is true to an extent - but I think many parents shun their biblical responsibilities with older children because the task sometimes seems impossible. (Psalm 28:7)
Some Guidelines
As long as a child is under his parents' roof, he should be expected to be an active member of the family. If he is allowed to treat his home like a "boarding house," coming and going as he pleases with no duties or chores, how will he ever learn godly discipline and responsibility?
He should also be expected to comply with the "rules of the house." If none are set up - they should he! They don't necessarily have to be written out, but they need to be communicated and understood. If these standards are not met, there should be consequences to be paid - which also need to be understood. Yelling and tirades of accusations are definitely out - instead, what is needed are swift and direct penalties in accordance to the disobedience. You must be fair and reasonable, always disciplining in love and remembering not to provoke your child to anger (Eph.6:4) - but you must he firm. You have to let them know that their bad attitudes, rudeness, refusals to help, etc., simply cannot and will not be tolerated. (Proverbs29:15,17) Remember, your son can't take the car unless you give him the keys... no matter how much he fusses. God will give you guidelines for the balance between love and discipline if you diligently seek Him - but whatever you do, don't neglect to discipline for fear that your children won't love you. (Matt. 10:37) Fear the Lord, not your kids. (Deut. 8:5) If you act obediently, your children will rise up and bless you - maybe not tomorrow, but in the end they will rejoice that you really loved them enough to care about their souls. (Proverbs 31:28)
The Right Balance
Many parents go to extremes - either they are too heavy-handed and oppressive or they let their kids sin without doing much about it. Both extremes are wrong - and they both show selfishness and lack of love on the part of the parents. It takes time and patience to discipline properly - this will mean discipline for the parents too! If you permit your kids to act in ways that violate their own consciences - in ways that they know are wrong - then you are allowing them to harden their hearts against God. Ignoring their sin is just programming them for apostasy! How will they ever obey God in the big things, if they won't even obey you in the small? Yes, there comes a time when they have to make their own choices, but as long as you have a hand in their life, it is utter rebellion on your part to allow such behavior to go on. (I Samuel 15:22-23) It is not merely a suggestion that you should raise up your children in the right way - but a command. (Proverbs 22:6) Why do so many parents see discipline as an option? Many times it's the parents' rebellion to God in this area that's inspiring their children's rebellion - both to God, and to them. The answer is not easy - but you have to start somewhere.
Sassy, rebellious teens should not be treated as if "nothing is wrong." Refusing to confront the issue may bring a momentary peace, but it will not uproot the sin from their heart. Immediate action is necessary. Sometimes previous plans need to be canceled or activities missed because of sin or lack of a repentant heart. Special privileges and allowances are also things that can be temporarily stopped or modified if necessary. Remember, the wages of sin is death (Rom. 6:23), and it's more loving for your children to experience a little chastisement now, than to suffer eternally because no one cared enough to see that they didn't become hardened to the voice of the Lord. Teenagers need a tremendous amount of prayer, love, and counsel, but they also need guidelines. In their hearts they are looking for someone to pull the reins in on them - their souls are crying out for it. They don't need you to be their "buddy" when they are in rebellion. They need the parent that God gave them to set up godly boundaries and to be diligent to see that they stay within them. (Proverbs 22:15)
Your Mission In Life
The most important job you have is raising your children in the ways of the Lord. You can't worry about what your children or others may say. You have to be obedient to God. You have to be right in His eyes. True love corrects, reproves, and disciplines. (Proverbs 13:24) Are you willing to stand by and let your kids go to hell because it's easier than trying to deal with them in a godly way? (Proverbs 23:13-14) You have to face it - they may not have years ahead to "sow their wild oats" - they may be in a fatal accident tomorrow. If that were to happen, would you have the peace of knowing that you did all you could towards the salvation of their souls?
Many Christian parents assume their kids are Christians because they "went forward" when they were five - or because they are involved with the church youth group. This can be very dangerous. If your child is not showing forth real fruit of salvation - there probably isn't any! Be sure you have a realistic view of your child's state with the Lord.
If you see that you have fallen short of your responsibility as a parent, you must seek God's forgiveness for your lack of obedience and determine to be the parent the Bible talks about. (Deut. 32:46; 1 Chron. 28:9) Do it now - while there is still time. (Proverbs 19:18)
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